| " you don't really care about the trials of tomorrow
rather lay awake in a bed full of sorrow
I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good" Crazed shout rythm sway touch skin swings head-bobbin clouded power good yellow stuck/truck/FUCK/will-not-muck Human is a loose term. I am classified as man, yet do not include me in all facets that would define humane or humanity. I have 2 legs, 2 arms, 5 fingers on each hand and 5 toes on each foot. My brain resides at the top, above my neck, between the ears. I speak through my mouth, my hands, my eyes, and fingers. I know what a smile is, how to scream, and act just like other humans. Yet I am nothing. And am nothing like other humans. What I want in life... : I want to disbelieve in everybody. I want to surpress others. Not that I have not seen what greatness is, there are those that have such capability that nothing is impossible to them. In those same people, it seems even the impossible does not calculate in their curiculum. Not because to others, it is impossible, but because they have such focus that they are busy surpassing what qualities make man so wonderful. Hard work, determination, confidence that speaks without words but through impressions from actions. It is not about trying to convince someone else. It's almost as if no one else exists or that their existence is oblivion and they are still escaping the black holes the humanity creates in itself. (How did this happen to such folk? What motivates them and created them to be this way? And how do I change myself?) I am envious, or more jealous. I am the opposite and feel I can do nothing. I think I live in a shadow behind the living, trying to mix in and be part of the smiles and laughter, yet only shrinking and trying to avoid a spotlight. Yet I have dreams of live performances, not yet actuallized in a dream, but something persistent in my mind. I havent given up but have accepted a lazy approach to it. Maybe its laziness I should fight. But is it JUST laziness? I am in trouble. The world around me exerts such pressure that I feel succumbed and doomed by it. I do not wish to depart this world entirely... only to experience it greater. But where I stand is oblivion, I am a black hole. Where do I stand? It is 2:40 am, a thursday now the 28th of May. Today a new moon brightens the sky. -Anthony |
